Epidose 37 - The Clinker's Trumpet

Tan sandstone blocks, upon which lies like a shroud a vaporous husk, the branch system of a long-dead ivy, blushing dark cobweb of dusky vine.  What enormous tonnage, what great weight of crumbling stone. All we lack is longterm thinking; the perspective of aeons.  Civilisation as we know it can not be saved, could never in its entire history have ever been saved, as it has never existed in stasis.

Listen now.

A pair of wax candles in the shape of skulls, one candyfloss pink, the other pale green; an origami heron standing two inches tall; a pair of mustard-yellow clogs tied together by a small ribbon in the colours of the Dutch flag; and the soothing sounds of:

• Hedgehog Pie - Cool Reelies
• Pigeon Religion - Scorpion Milk
• Brian Brain - The Asthma Game
• Birdyak - The Sacred Mushroom
• Vinko Trubić & Ivan Drjanić - Tanec (from wedding at Gostinjac)
• Bridget St. John - The Pebble And The Man
• Brame - Zeste Incest
• Virgin Prunes - Yeo

The ever-listening, enormous floating ear of gcuesoterica@gmail.com is ready to take your call.  Zardoz commands you to transmit your crackling netherwords into its pulsating cavity.

Twenty minutes.  No refunds.

Epidose 36 - Weighted Planar Stochastic Lettuce

How furcate is my volley! How splend the strand of string that strays from straggle heath to sponly suedes!  As Swayze sways, these rays persuade, he's raised the waves from wasteful ways.  A length of clothespipe, flurdled in a codheap. Did your mother mither? Does your mister pass muster?  (I blessed a blister-blaster with much bluster.)  You can eat an orange, and arrange a lozenge, but a blo-jo from Bo-Jo's a no-no.

Listen Now.

More scintillatingly schizoid psychedelic skitterings for squiffy squirrels and squinny sesquipedalians, from the unlikely likes of:

• Yuri Morozov - Inexplicable (Part 4)
• En Halvkokt i Folie - I Like The Introduction Of A Flute
• The Yuri Landman Ensemble - Interlude I
• Luke Haines - Fat Bird From The Woodcraft Folk
• The Ass Baboons Of Venus - You've Failed Again, You Arrogant Twat
• The Plastic Billionaires - The Fat Lady of Limbourg
• Brame - Gaviscon
• Trippple Nippples - LSD

Gosh, barely a month since the last one.  I urge you to stuff worms into my insatiable craw at gcuesoterica@gmail.com.

Twenty minutes.  No refunds.

Epidose 35 - Dutch & Charles

Gnolling cloudless and winsome o'er the hobbledy froom, a snipjack trejury come treacling langwards from netherlandish parts.  Hobskoosh onely wonders, the pibbletosh skim skimmety-skim on glasslake ribble.  Nabberlack lip-licker frusking out the vanguard as pottle fall dreamylike through wode, long loomy wode, a light as baffleghast as wronglesky, these dabble-dark miff of posk and ratchet.

Listen Now.

So cram this claggy clamour in thy clammy clam-likes:

• Jack Planck- The Boy With The Raccoon Penis
• Laid Back - White Horse
• Frank Chickens - Cheeba Cheeba Chimpira
• Steve Beresford & Tristan Honsinger - Sai Hello To The Cello
• Fort Lauderdale - Holy Wednesday

Once in a new balloon, I check for discarded tissues caught among the detritus at gcuesoterica@gmail.com, thus far to precious little of what is apparently termed "avail."  Go on, prove me wonky.

Twenty minutes.  No refunds.

Epidose 34 - I, Cerambus!

Jellyfish desperate to save their habitat crammed themselves a hundredfold into the nozzle, but the reactor continued to function.  The queen's coronation pie was stuffed to the brim with lamprey, slave blood still dripping from their toothy maws, their gaping buccal funnels. They opened their pineal eyes and wept, as ancient worms transformed the Shepherd into a Beatle.  Windswept Johnskale watched from his Cumbrian pile, the deacon's mission long since abandoned, the seas afizz with effluent...

Listen Now.

Open your pineal ear to the breathtaking seashell grumbles of:

• Ghost - Guru In The Echo
• Guy Pederson - Indian Pop Bass
• Vladimir Ussachevsky - Wireless Fantasy
• Sven Grünberg - Hingus (Part I)
• Trans Am - For Now And Forever

Please send pipecleaners to the ever-ready gcuesoterica@gmail.com, for our nozzle is forever congealed.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 33 - Lasagna and Kacey

When tender frond the turlingdromes, and vestas whiffle from their homes, out in the misty magma moonlight, neeping in the afternoon, bright Lesmerelda flaunts her chubbles, great malinky double-bubbles.  What a wald!  I wadnae yield to see her famed delights revealed!  But hush now son, and graze your kneesden.  My poem's done.  OH GOD NOT THE BEES-den?

Listen Now.

What's a year or so between fronds, eh?  I trust you'll enjoy the exciting machinations of:

• Tim Blake - Generator (Laser Beam)
• Jon Appleton - Chef D'Oeuvre
• Horace Tapscott Quintet - For Fats
• Difford & Tillbrook - Apple Tree
• The Shaggs - Why Do I Feel?
• Willie Rushton & The Private Eye All-Stars - Neasden

Future excursions will follow a release schedule dictated by Fibonacci numbering.  Voice your objections to the Esoteric Council of Elbers at gcuesoterica@gmail.com if it would make you feel any better about it.

Twenty minutes.  No refunds.

Epidose 32 - The Sputtering Cleft

The ungudly abuminations multiplied twentyfold in mere hours, gnashing their gnarled dentata and puffing out those coarsely bristled cheeks.  The growls and grufflings bargled forth long and loudsome, trombonerous and chewbattic rumbunctions resonorating echoey through the corridrobes, surgeries and hauleyways.

Listen Now.

Lord Brannigan-7 relaxed briefly his pursed inner lips, and gave full chuffed splattering vent to the following liquid residue:

• Silver Apples - Lovefingers
• Ed Askew - Marigolds
• Bauri - Everything Will Be Ok Again
• Sid Kipper & Dave Burland - The Shoals Of Whiting
• Pharmakon - It Hangs Heavy (excerpt from Milkweed / It Hangs Heavy)
• Lord Creator - Big Bamboo

The research facility was reported destroyed by fire late in 2158.  The final transmission received by gcuesoterica@gmail.com read in its entirety: "The Vortex never ended."

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 31 - Vagrant Sinner Box

An old woman walking her dog in a field of clover came across a shepherdess looking over her flock of forty-six brown sheep and two dozen lambs.  Each sheep wore upon its face a pair of half-moon spectacles and an embarrassed expression (the lambs just wore the glasses.)  The old woman asked the shepherdess why her flock looked so bashful.  The shepherdess said she'd sheared her share of shameful sheep, and sat down in the shamrock.

Listen Now.

If you listen to the sounds, the following merry jingles should resonate:

• Electricity feat. Fire Eater - Dunia Wanja Wa Fujo
• PFFR - Open Letter
• Charles Dodge - He Destroyed Her Image
• The Prats - The Alliance
• Xenis Emputae Travelling Band - Moly
• Throbbing Gristle - I.B.M.
• Ewan MacColl & Peggy Seeger - The Keach In The Creel

If you have enjoyed these sheep, please send knitted blankets to gcuesoterica@gmail.com to ward away the scowling demons of frostbite.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 30 - The Borscht Supremacy

Will you face the racing thoughts that swell and swirl around your goldfish bowl, those thoughts that swallow you up whole and wrap themselves around your soul? And did you ever stop to place a guiding gentle hand upon your face and say, be still now child, and stop your foolish self from running wild?

Listen Now.

In clear water running over sand can be seen the undisturbed reflection of moonlight upon still branches, and the weeping faces of:

• Kirk Lake - £10,000 Dog
• Bisk - Drooping
• Vaenus - Hakai Suru
• Komovari64 - Stop
• Yma Sumac - Chuncho (The Forest Creatures)
• Caramba - Eine Feine

Anyone still standing should voice their inevitable complaints to gcuesoterica@gmail.com wherein they will be digitally remastered for outstanding reproduction on today's demanding audio hardware.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 29 - All Gravy Now

A sprinkling of dusty flakes, the dead skin that makes crusts upon the brow and which blizzards away as one's forehead creases in blowzy consternation, fall lightly upon the humpbacked bellypaunch, the curly-haired chest.  One is reluctant to move, lest they drift onto the upholstery.  Best remain, then, sofa-besnared, until the tender springs of summer push forth their curling tendrils, and the haberdasher's secret love sprouts once more among the soft furnishings.

Listen Now.

The tapestries tremble in the breeze, their threads a-quiver to the invigorating vacillations of:

• Holy Motors - Heavy Flow
• Otway & Barrett - D.K 50-80
• Opium Flirt - How Much Time
• Louis and Bebe Barron - Main Title (From Forbidden Planet)
• The Godz - Eleven
• Tut Vu - Egypt
• Scott Walker - Darkness

Troubled by inappropriate Paisley deprettifying your textiles?  Unwanted Adinkras tergiversating in your tattersall? Drop a line to gcuesoterica@gmail.com, where your damasks will be deconstructed beyond all compare.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 28 - Death To Ming!

There are several really interesting clocks in Berlin.  I've never been myself, but horology is an abiding interest.  At the intersection of sciences between horology and botany, we find the dandelion clock, which the French call pissenlit.  The English name also stems from French, dents de lion; the lion's teeth.  Two lions killed and ate 135 Kenyan railway workers, over a nine-month period in 1898.  It is posited that they may have been suffering from extremely bad toothache.

Listen Now.

I have never killed and eaten any lions.  I'm far too busy - mostly listening to folk song recordings from the early 1950s:

• Sir John Betjeman - The Arrest Of Oscar Wilde At The Cadogan Hotel
• Trans Am - Mr. Simmons
• Rick Potts - Sausage In A Bottle
• LAShTAL - Ballata No. 7
• Wallace House - I'm Seventeen Cum Sunday
• Sadistic Mika Band - Nanika Ga Um
• Jo'Burg Hawk - War Talk

You can email me at gcuesoterica@gmail.com.  You won't, of course.  But you can.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 27 - The Underwater Pig

Scooping out great fistfuls of hogflesh: argument over who gets the choicest meat; me wants the bellymeat, no no no me wants the headmeat...  Delicately flick the pointed tip of one's tongue into the vacant snout to slurp at the cool jelly up there.  It is not true that we are three meals away from barbarism; we are there already.

Listen Now.

Why not instead feast your auricles on these nourishing plats du jour:

• Linda McCartney - The Light Comes From Within
• Les Ouaiscécool - Les Cités d'Or
• The Sisterhood Of Convoluted Thinkers - The New Style Poetry
• Sun City Girls - El Mirage
• Hala Strana - Burh
• Multiphonic Ensemble - Fret

When the porker's picked down to its puckered bones, the prickling curly tail may yet prove invaluable as a toothpick. I do so love reading your emails.  One day I may publish a compendium of the best.  It will be a slender tome indeed. gcuesoterica@gmail.com.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 26 - Influentia!

So many layers of cryptic meaning envelop this week's Epidose that I feel frankly giddy just imagining the possibility of thinking about it.

Listen Now.

You are intelligent creatures, at least so I'm given to understand, so you'll have no problem in whittling out the obdurate reality lurking behind these gauzy fairy-sprinkles of discombobulating glamour.

• Wire - I Am The Fly
• Richard Thompson - Shaky Nancy
• Brian Eno & Robert Wyatt - Flies
• A Life Once Lost - Prepare Yourself For What Is About To Come
• Syd Barrett - Wolfpack
• Thee Headcoats - Sex And Lies

Did you locate the hidden hobgoblin? Very astute -- award yourself a blancmange, and forward your research paper to the department of esoteric studies: gcuesoterica@gmail.com.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 25 - GCU Yule Thank Me Later

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away. Andrew Ridgely's transplant unit hijinks on Boxing Day notwithstanding, we are pleased as plum duff to present this somewhat delayed selection box of seasonally-flavoured musical monstrosities for your consideration:

Listen Now.

Everyone enjoys Christmas music, don't they? Especially after Christmas Day itself, and really especially late in December, when it's been literally unavoidable for the better part of a month already? Here:

• The Troll - A Winter's Song
• Yuji Nomi - Nichijouppoi Christmas
• Coldcut - Coldcut's Christmas Break
• The Sonics - Don't Believe In Christmas
• Ice Cube - Put It In Ya Egg Nog
• Strangelette - Carol Of Cosmic Bells
• Holly Golightly - Christmas Tree's On Fire
• John Fahey - White Christmas

Holler your appreciation for these good works to the floating angel on high whose wings beat triplets against four-time: gcuesoterica@gmail.com.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 24 - Mildred & Patty

A year and a day ago, the first Epidose of Esoteric Music Lounge careened forth, lurching and uncontrollable, like a jellied emission coughed quivering from the clot-flecked and mucous lungs of a verminous shoulder-whisperer, its uncertain trajectory revealing little portent of the steamrollering cosmic uberforce it would shortly become.

Join us in a double-sized bumper birthday celebration, for a nostalgic look back at some of the choicest, chewiest, and least-most-wince-inducing cuts as served up for your very pleasure over the past three-hundred-sixty-odd days.

Listen Now.

In this Epidose, pay careful attention to the subtle interplay of trapstep, chutney, grindcore and eurotrance influences:

• The Doonicans - Drunken Pretender
• Frente! - Horrible
• Clair Obscur - K. G.
• Law Holt - Coins For You
• The Walker Brothers - Shutout
• Foetus Party - Joyeux Crack
• Edwin Birdsong - It Ain't No Fun Being A Welfare Recipient
• Ewan MacColl - Carlton Weaver
• Dave Burland - Haul Away For Rosie
• Pisces - Motley Mary Ann
• Brothomstates - Qtio
• Mighty Sparrow - Goaty
• Admiral Fallow - Subbuteo

Twenty minutes, times two. No refunds.

Epidose 23 - Flod In The Bunket

Imagine building an enormous sandwich packed full with all the world's rugs. That would take some serious eating. How big would one's mouth have to be to munch the ultimate rug sandwich? Pretty big mouth, I'm saying.  Spreading alternate layers of mayonnaise and mustard upon each rug before lifting the next carefully into place.

Listen Now.

Not all rugs are equal in size. It would be instructive to order them with the largest at the base. The modern world needs more wonders: behold, the Great Rug Pile of Prestonpans.

• Galoshins - The 4th Chord
• Raik's Progress - Sewer Rat Love Chant
• Los Marauders - Hell Will Come High Water
• Meredith Monk - I Don't Know
• Children Of Sunshine - Harmony
• XXYYXX ft Anneka - Overdone
• Eggs - Saturday's Cool

Concerned for the precarious sanity of your increasingly erratic podcast provider? Whisper sweet nothings into his gnarly orifice at gcuesoterica@gmail.com.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 22 - Ruff Duck

A foul wind blew from the west, and deathly silence fell across the land. Winter fell.  The ground hardened, crusted over with ice sheets as hard as granite. Our hearts needs must become as the speckled lights of a hundred million tiny candles each kept sheltered and nourished through neverending night.

Listen Now.

It's Britpop Memorial Day down on Jollity Farm, and the bells ring wide with the mellow tinkling sounds of:

• Manic Street Preachers - IfWhiteAmericaToldTheTruthForOneDayItsWorldWouldFallApart
• Mission Of Burma - Weatherbox
• Passenger Of Sh*t - Suck Worms Out My Farting C**t
• Alice Donut - What?
• Luke Haines - I Love The Sound Of Breaking Glass
• Jarvis Cocker - Running The World

Do not suffer the flame to be extinguished! It will be twenty long years before the wheel turns again. Whisper sweet words to gcuesoterica@gmail.com where the silence lies deeper than any root.

Twenty minutes.  No refunds.

Epidose 21 - Hollentide Revels

Hoppo, Stadlin, Hellwain, Puckle:
Mony's the mickle that macketh th' muckle.

Listen Now.

Firestone, Malkin, Jinny-the-Green,
The crones of the coven work curses unseen,
Work hexes of horror to succour your fears,
Deathly, the evil they bring to your ears:

• The Hare And The Moon - The Willows
• Twink with Steve Peregrine Took - The Coming Of The Other One
• Balzac - Beyond Evil 308
• Fred Myrow, Malcolm Seagrave - Phantasmagoria / Silver Sphere Disco (from Phantasm)
• The Mellomen - Trick Or Treat For Halloween
• Captain Beefheart - When I See Mommy I Feel Like A Mummy
• Blixa Bargeld, Nick Cave, Mick Harvey - Murder (from To Have And To Hold)
• The Mellomen - Trick Or Treat For Halloween (reprise)

Send your unwanted mickles to gcuesoterica@gmail.com; we're raising funds to purchase a muckle.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 20 - The Happenstance Way

The mist grows heavy, the cobblestones slicken and black, and treacherous rumours go murmuring along dark alleyways. Lantern candles amber the faces of wanton gargoyles, and polyvinyl curtains slap like sea-leather from cullis windows.  Out into this night ventures our hero, sideways-peeking behind from corner-folds, and yet though he does not pass unseen, by the gods he passes unnoticed...

Listen Now.

Pausing by a dismal doorway just long enough to find shelter from drizzle, he hears the drifting sounds of:

• The Ilk - Powerplant
• Kid Spatula - Shakermaker
• Maxïmo Park - Limassol
• Monitor - Amphibious
• The Kites - Bike Ride Pt. III
• Kimio Eto - Sakura, Sakura

Be vigilant! Whispered words may yet be dropped from eaves, treacherous rumours snagged upon concealed skyhooks.  Send your learnings to gcuesoterica@gmail.com for further analysis.

Twenty minutes. No refunds.

Epidose 19 - Crow, Dog, And Bobby Hogg

It is certainly impossible to think; impossible, really, to do anything at all.  Circularity inhabits the wheel, and sheer exhaustion is all that keeps us pushing it forward.  Had we only the energy to see it, we might then have the energy to stop.  Centuries are dust; civilizations only the marginal scribblings in a disregarded apocrypha, the footnotes to the appendix of a volume of inconsequential trivia.

Listen Now.

In the abandoned archive, a cobwebbed librarian is trying to make sense of the following messages:

• Negativland - Time Zones
• White Noise - Love Without Sound
• Circus Devils - Yellow Cloud
• Kiyoshi Kobayashi & The Gypsy Swing Gang - Sous Le Ciel De Tamagawa
• S*** And Shine - Seeing Life Through A Young Man's Eyes
• Law Holt - Coins For You
• Timber Timbre - Creep On Creepin' On

Troubled by unconvincing illusions of thought?  Send those vacillating empty ghosts of consciousness to gcuesoterica@gmail.com wherein they will be fittingly exorcised.

Twenty minutes.  No refunds.

Epidose 18 - Jam Bat Sonar

Throw open your curlews, gentlefolds, and behold the tremulous chirruping of damsel-pies in dewy-fronded distress.  What menacingly trite apparitions come emanating from yonder dismal crenels and merlons?  Be it bunyip?  Or quinkin?  Ebu Gogo?  Popobawa?  Oh, all of these, all of these crawling slimy things, all the nightmares that lay a clammy flap upon the prickling neck...

Listen Now.

All throughout the night come the wingtips of a moth to brush against the cheek, and the whispered sounds of:

• OOIOO - Gamel Uma Umo
• Silver Apples - Oscillations
• Marc Hollander - DBB (Double Bind Baby)
• Ant-Bee - Eating Chocolate Cake (In the Bath)
• Brothomstates - Qtio
• Bran Van 3000 - Stepchild

Troubled by unwanted quinkins dismantling your merlons?  Seek help from gcuesoterica@gmail.com who will be only too happy to advise otherwise.

Twenty minutes.  No refunds.